Happy At Work

As of today all personnel will be expected to look happy at work. Rubber bands and paper clips will be provided at no cost.

Work load getting to you?

* Feeling stressed?

* Too many Priority 1 assignments?

Here is the new low cost way to cope with multiple Priority 1 assignments!

Take 2 paperclips and rubber bands. Fig 1

Assemble them as shown on the picture. Fig. 2

Apply as shown in fig 3.

HA..HA...HA

Just kidding...

Happy Labour Day to all workers...hope u enjoy doing ur work...

New Employment Rules

SICKDAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.

SURGERY
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.


HOLIDAYS
Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

ABSENT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice to allow time for you to train your own replacement.

TOILET USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance: All employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both workers' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open.

LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slimfast and take a diet pill.

DRESS CODE
It is advised that you must come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing designer clothing we will assume that you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a payrise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice day
The Management

footnote: I'm wonder how would u feel if u hav this kind of rules at ur workplace...hmmm....would u work and stay long down there??? or would u rather work elsewhere??? or would u ignore the rules??? or would u force the management to change the rules... sounds very evil uhh? :D

HAPPY LABOUR DAY

Mukjizat al-Quran

"Dan Dialah yang membiarkan dua laut mengalir (berdampingan); yang ini
tawar lagi segar dan yang lain masin lagi pahit; dan Dia jadikan antarakeduanya dinding dan batas yang menghalangi." (Q.S Al Furqan:53)

Jika Anda termasuk orang yang gemar menonton rancangan TV `Discovery 'Pasti kenal Mr.Jacques Yves Costeau , ia seorang ahli oceanografer dan ahli selam terkemuka dari Perancis.

Orang tua yang berambut putih ini sepanjanghidupnya menyelam ke perbagai dasar samudera di seantero dunia danmembuat filem dokumentari tentang keindahan alam dasar laut untukditonton diseluruh dunia. Pada suatu hari ketika sedang melakukan eksplorasi di bawah laut,tiba-tiba ia menemui beberapa kumpulan mata air tawar-segar yang sangat sedap rasanya kerana tidak bercampur/tidak melebur dengan air laut yang masin disekelilingnya, seolah-olah ada dinding atau membran yang membatasi keduanya.

Fenomena ganjil itu memeningkan Mr. Costeau dan mendorongnya untuk mencari tahu penyebab terpisahnya air tawar dari air masin di tengah-tengah Lautan. Ia mulai berfikir, jangan-jangan itu hanya halusinansi atau khalayan sewaktu menyelam. Waktu pun terus berlalu setelah kejadian tersebut,namun ia tak kunjung mendapatkan jawapan yang memuaskan tentang fenomena ganjil tersebut. Sampai pada suatu hari ia bertemu dengan seorang profesor muslim, kemudian ia pun menceritakan fenomena ganjil itu.

Profesor itu teringat pada ayatAl-Quran tentang bertemunya dua lautan ( surat Ar-Rahman ayat 19-20) yang sering diidentikkan dengan Terusan Suez. Ayat itu berbunyi "Marajalbahraini yaltaqiyaan, bainahumaa barzakhun laa yabghiyaan..."Artinya:"Dia biarkan dua lautan bertemu, di antara keduanya ada batas yang tidak boleh ditembus."

Kemudian dibacakan surat Al Furqan ayat 53 di atas. Selain itu, dalam beberapa kitab tafsir, ayat tentang bertemunya dualautan tapi tak bercampur airnya diertikan sebagai lokasi muara sungai,di mana terjadi pertemuan antara air tawar dari sungai dan air masin dari laut.

Namun tafsir itu tidak menjelaskan ayat berikutnya dari surat Ar-Rahman ayat 22 yang berbunyi "Yakhruju minhuma lu ' lu`u wal marjaan" ertinya"Keluar dari keduanya mutiara dan marjan." Padahal di muara sungai tidak ditemukan mutiara.

Terpesonalah Mr. Costeau mendengar ayat-ayat Al Qur'an itu, melebihi kekagumannya melihat keajaiban pemandangan yang pernah dilihatnya dilautan yang dalam. Al-Qur ' an ini mustahil disusun oleh Muhammad yang hidup diabad ke tujuh, suatu zaman saat belum ada peralatan selam yang canggih untuk mencapai lokasi yang jauh terpencil di kedalaman samudera.

Benar-benar suatu mukjizat, berita tentang fenomena ganjil 14 abad yang silamakhirnya terbukti pada abad 20. Mr. Costeau pun berkata bahawa Al Qur'an memang sesungguhnya kitab suci yang berisi firman Allah, yang seluruh kandungannya mutlak benar. Dengan seketika dia pun memeluk Islam. Allahu Akbar...!

Mr. Costeau mendapat hidayah melalui fenomena teknologi kelautan. Maha Benar Allah yang Maha Agung. Shadaqallahu Al`Azhim.Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda: "Sesungguhnya hati manusia akan berkarat sebagaimana besi yang dikaratkan oleh air."

Bila seorang bertanya,"Apakah caranya untuk menjadikan hati-hati ini bersih kembali?" Rasulullahs.a.w. bersabda, "Selalulah ingat mati dan membaca Al Quran."

Sucikanlah 4 hal dengan 4 perkara :"Wajahmu dengan linangan air mata keinsafan, Lidahmu basah denganberzikir kepada Penciptamu, Hatimu takut dan gementar kepada kehebatanRabbmu, ..dan dosa-dosa yang silam di sulami dengan taubat kepada Dzat yang Memiliki mu.""Sampaikan! lah walau satu ayat" al hadis.

burger magic

forwarded to me from a friend...

Golden Words of Hitler:

When u r in light, everything will follow u. But when u enter dark, even your own shadow will not follow uthat is life
God made relatives. Thank God we can choose our friends

Money glitters, beauty sparkles, and intelligence shines.
Keep a very firm grasp on reality, so you can strangle it at any time.

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're getting.

People may not always believe what you say, but they will believe what you do.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

You can't have everything - where would you put it?

Laugh and the world ignore you. Crying doesn't help either.

God is not moved or impressed with our worship until our hearts are moved and impressed by Him.

Life is like a mirror, if you frown at it, it frowns back; if you smile, it returns the greeting.

Never trust a person who isn't having at least one crisis.

Goodness is the only investment that never fails.

The only thing lazy people do fast is get tired.

Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.

Silence is the only thing that can't be misquoted!

If we don't control our money, it will control us.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die rich..

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

If you r living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are open.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Learn from other people's mistakes, life isn't long enough to make them all yourself.

On the road, never argue with a vehicle heavier than yours.

One thing you can give and still keep is your word.

Life is funny if you don't think about it.

Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense.

There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.

More doors are opened with 'please' than with keys.

footnote: a forwarded email from friend from 'fun and fun only yahoogroup'